Everything Happens For A Reason

Losing a friend — whether that friend has two legs or four — can throw your life into a bit of a tailspin.

Two weeks ago I woke up in my usual fantastic mood on a Monday morning. Everything was right with life as far as I was concerned… I was alive, the sun was shining, I had just had an amazing breakfast, gotten a big hug from my honey, and then, as I was patting my precious kitten, Mineau, I noticed her rib bulging out on her right side.  Being a very intuitive woman, I knew it was a tumor.  I was afraid to say it out loud – the word “tumor” – so I didn’t.

After a visit to the vet and a lot of crying, I let the veterinarian say it.  It was definitely a tumor.  At this point surgery was her only option for survival, as the tumor was very large.  Being such a fluffy, healthy-looking kitty, you couldn’t even tell anything was amiss.  It was all so confusing to me…  She looked and acted so healthy.

Because the veterinary office was going to charge $2000 for exploratory surgery to remove the tumor, it caused me to take a step back and think of my options.  I was on the phone immediately with my best friend, and she recommended that I call a phenomenal shelter in South Boston, Massachusetts called the Alliance For Animals . They are a wonderful no-kill shelter that provides all of the veterinary services that you can obtain at a regular veterinary office at a fraction of the cost. I honestly didn’t know that any place like this existed.  They were helpful, loving to my sweet Mineau and very caring to me.  (If your furry children have the need for veterinary services that are going to be expensive, get on Google and look for similar veterinary organizations across the United States, because they do exist).

After a trip to Boston, an exam and the possibility that the tumor could be removed successfully, Mineau’s surgery was scheduled for St. Patrick’s Day.  A deep part of me knew that this could possibly be the last time that I would see her sweet face looking at me, and I had felt very uneasy for days because of this.  When I brought her in for her surgery, my legs felt like lead weights that wouldn’t be able to carry me from my car to the veterinary clinic.  Instead of leaving my car immediately, I held her tight while she looked up at me for what seemed like a lifetime and a second all wrapped into one.  While kissing her precious face and listening to her purr like she was in heaven, I thought of the eight years we had spent together and all of the funny, quirky, loving things she would do on a daily basis.  The love in her eyes that I could see and feel during this special embrace we shared made me feel a bit better in that moment.  It gave me comfort and hope that all would be alright.

Later in the morning I got a call that my precious angel passed away during surgery.  I felt completely devastated.  My heart was broken into little pieces.  I felt like was supposed to protect her, keep her healthy and safe, and I felt like I had failed her.  I kept thinking about the fact that I would never be able to hold her again, kiss her sweet face, pat her fluffy fur, know that she was sleeping in her “spots” in our home while I was milling around in the kitchen, out for a walk or taking a bath.  Besides bringing me great joy, just having her around was a huge comfort to me.  I love, love, love my furry children… especially my only kitty.

As she was an indoor cat that loved the outdoors, I decided to lay her to rest under a beautiful oak tree overlooking my best friends’ beautiful yard.  I have been picturing her in my mind sitting under the majestic tree, looking at the birds and insects while the wind blows gently in her hair.  I find that to be very comforting.

Needless to say, this has been a challenging week for me.  People that know me know that I am pretty much always in a good mood… When I’m in a not-so-good mood, I change my state to move to a better feeling place, and that’s usually all it takes.  This has been a bit of a challenge for me, as it is not a not-so-good mood.  This was losing a friend, my sweet kitten that I loved since the day she came into my life eight years ago.

I started wondering, When will I start to feel like myself again?  I want to be excited like I usually am, and I just don’t feel it.  I want to help other people and not be so wrapped up inside myself and my own grief.  That caused me to start thinking about my blog and how much joy it gives me to write a post. I then thought, How can I write a post right now when I am feeling so much pain in my heart?  After all, I created my blog to be inspirational and to be happy.  I want people to read my blog and feel good, not yucky.

Then it came to me… literally.  Each day I search around for inspirational quotes that move me and resonate with my soul — quotes that inspire me and hopefully at least one other person on this beautiful earth. I came across a quote by Robert Frost that says, “The best way out is always through,” and that is where I am right now. I am working through, moving forward. I am right where I am supposed to be right at this moment. I am experiencing what I need to experience to move forward.   I am being hard on myself while I need to be giving myself a break.  I decided that I would share how I am feeling.  Maybe someone is going through what I’m going through;  maybe it can help them in some small way to know that they aren’t the only one that feels this way, and whatever you’re feeling is okay, too.

What I’ve come to realize it that when there is a loss of any kind — whether it’s a relationship, a loved one, a job, or an attachment to something we love – we need to grieve.  It’s okay.  If you have to cry, then cry.  It’s fine to take time out for yourself to heal.  Time is what heals.  Feeling our emotions makes us healthy.  I think that the important thing is to keep moving forward.  Life truly does go on.  Practice extreme self-care — Take a walk, a bath, veg out, see a movie, spend time with someone you love, cook a meal, get together with friends, go for a ride to a place that ignites your soul, take a nap, spend some alone time… whatever it takes to get you through.  This too shall pass.  Wonderful days are ahead.  I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and only good can come of this.

(This post is dedicated to my sweet Mineau, September 21, 2001 -  March 17, 2010)